one-way ticket

There is so much to write, it’s difficult to know where to begin! I could write about the packing, selling, job applications and apartment hunting. But I will begin with the one-way plane ticket, and we’ll see where that leads!

I currently possess a one-way plane ticket to Kona, Hawaii! But before I bought that ticket (Ok, Patrick bought it) there was another one-way plane ticket.

One month ago, Patrick bought a one-way plane ticket from Kona to Boston. Back in December, before we ever met face to face, Patrick told me he would move to New Hampshire to be with me. He had already planned to come here to run his very first Boston Marathon. And his intention was to cross the finish line, and never leave. At least not without me!

No more long distance. No more six hour time difference. No more hearts stretched painfully across 5033 miles.

After he bought that ticket, something came loose in my heart. This beautiful soul, this passionate, pure heart loves mine so much that he was willing to quit his job, and leave behind his family and friends, his trails and his sunsets, to start a life with me?!

As my heart absorbed the knowledge of such love, something broke loose. Fear perhaps. Control. Excuses. Comfort. Security. Every reason I had for staying in NH seemed so trivial and pale in the light of love.

Every reason I gave myself exactly one year ago! Because in March of 2017, after Bree left me a message with “Shut up and dance playing” and that hotel in Kona invited me to come in for an interview, I was going to buy a one-way plane ticket. In the corners of my heart, that dream of life on the Big Island was dormant, but still present. But surely I couldn’t just leave it all behind, right?

True, I didn’t have much to leave behind. I was single again, my job had been terminated, and the belongings that remained were barely enough to fill my little UHaul. Heck, my hip was so messed up that I couldn’t even run the half marathon I was signed up for, so that wasn’t even holding me back! But surely I couldn’t just arrive in Kona with the hope that this job would pan out. And if it did, where would I live?!

The thought of pulling off a move so BIG was as intimidating and as impossible to conceive as 26.2 miles had once been.

When I crossed the finish line of my first 5k a whole 18 years ago, I crossed with an uncharted confidence. If I could run 5k in under 30 minutes, I bet I could run it under 25! If I could run 5k, then 10k was certainly a possibility! The progression from pinning on the bib for a 5k, to holding that bib for a marathon was as much about having enough courage to chase my running dreams as it was about being physically capable of 26.2 miles.

In 2006, I signed up to run my first marathon. But surely I couldn’t just leap from 10 miles to 26.2 miles in 20 weeks?! There it was, that tribe of dream drowners. Fear. Comfort. Excuses. In the corners of my heart, that marathon dream was present, but it went dormant. It would be another four years before I had enough faith in my body, and true understanding that God plants my every seed of a dream for a reason, to register for the SmuttyNose Marathon in NH. I had to run a half marathon or two first. I had to see my own potential and strength! But the force that pushed me completely past my fear came from one source: Love. My love for running was greater than my fear of the unknown!

Holding this one-way plane ticket to Kona feels much like holding that bib number for that marathon. Pulling off something so BIG is still intimidating, but no longer impossible to conceive. Towing the line of moving 5033 miles away without having a solid plan for employment or having a mailing address there is just as unnerving as towing the line of a marathon without ever having run more than 22 miles.

And so, that is how faith goes. Love persists, a stronger, deeper force than reason or doubt. Surely Patrick wouldn’t just leave it all behind for me, for us.

Actually, he would. And so would I. Such love shook something loose in my heart. Perhaps it wasn’t fear or security after all. Perhaps love shook loose the courage that had been stuck, tangled up in the doubts and excuses and the comfortable.

Courage to follow my heart further than it’s ever run before. A one-way ticket into a sea of unknowns, with love as the pilot. Because truly, love is greater than fear of the unknown!

Some call it a leap of faith, I call it a flight of faith.

Whatever you call it, it’s time to take it. Where will your faith take you?!

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